The other day, I called my favorite life coach in the world (my mom) and I asked her to talk through some things with me. I had been baffled by some of my own behavior and for me, it’s not enough to know that I need to change something. I need to know why I’m doing it in the first place. It’s the way my brain works. 

I have been trained over the years by spiritual and pragmatical teachers to look beyond the behavior and identify the source of it. Once I know the source of the issue, I can deal with the whole situation rather than just treat the symptom.

Think of it this way. If you’re constantly having headaches due to dehydration and you take pain medication, you’re only dealing with the symptom of the issue (pain). That pain will keep coming back because you haven’t addressed the actual source (dehydration). If you would just start paying closer attention to your hydration levels, you can stop the headaches from coming. 

I’ve been putting band aids on things lately when what I really needed to do was some minor emotional surgery. So, I decided to dig in. I called my mom and we talked through what was troubling me and the circumstances around the situation and then the core issue revealed itself. 

Once I had the core issue identified, anytime the urge for the behavior appeared, I could deal with it at the source rather than try to treat the symptom through distraction or giving in. 

I’m saying all of this to highlight one very important point. You have to treat the root of the problem to see any real progress. And the root of the problem is, generally, fear.

Many of the women I work with have no issues admitting that they are afraid of something. Fear is a fantastic motivator to take action (both positive and negative). But when I ask the question, “What are you afraid of?” they don’t generally have an answer. 

Knowing that you are afraid is knowledge. 

Knowing what you are afraid of is wisdom.

The next time that you feel that familiar surge of fear or anxiety, stop and ask yourself, “WHAT am I actually afraid of, right this second?” Once you can identify the fear, then you can reframe the situation and calm yourself down with factual information rather than just relying on the emotional roller coaster. 

Trust me, it makes life a lot easier. 

Sometimes the answer is pretty clear. Other times, it takes a while to hit on the core issue because it can be disguised as resentment, pain, grief or trauma. But, in my experience, fear is the underlying motive when it comes to those behaviors that you indulge then that just end up driving you crazy at the end of the day. 

So, if you’re afraid today… what are you afraid of?